Start Here.
saturdays in bloom at 10am.
“Start rough, start raw, start tender, start soft….but there’s a new world awaiting in your start.”
Please allow me to be the first to proclaim and admit that I honestly don’t like uncertainty, and that I don’t particularly prefer nuance. No matter how abrasive reality can show up to be, I can learn to face the facts and truth of a situation, and like to make my decisions based on what I can be certain of. To be truthful, I believe that’s completely understandable for any person who’s dealt with major, abrupt upheavals in life or has been cut by the sheer echo of the world’s unrest.
Alas….I think that you and I both know that life doesn’t really work like that.
I generally appreciate the type of change that I can see coming for the most part and yet, in my most peculiar paradox, I am a forever dreamer and a lover of possibility; a hallmark of a creative soul in my eyes.
Currently, I am unlearning the belief that the perception of an unblemished status quo could only ever be my safe place to create and be at peace. I am realigning to the notion that shifts – even major ones, are the perfect arenas for creativity, flexibility, and faith most importantly to shine. The greatest lesson that has always prevailed in my experience thus far is that changes and life will happen – with or without you, and you gone participate, whether actively or passively.
The bottom line is that we can totally sit around and wait for the world to stop being unpredictable, and we’ll die letting life happen to us instead of looking to the only person that will never change who is...God.
Think about it.
Only a being so perfectly unmoved (not to be mistaken for unconcerned) by the drama and chaos of humanity could be responsible for subduing the very ground we stand on to remain under our feet in spite of ourselves. For the dew to be so intricately painted on the grass in the morning, for the flowers to not labor nor spin (Matthew 6:28-33), yet gracefully surrender themselves unto the will of the Author and Finisher of their beauty and purpose, is nothing short of a miracle.
Our intrinsic value and safety cannot be found in capitalism, people, nor the world.
With all that is happening on a universal scale, I am of the fervent opinion that the courageous feat of belief itself is a powerful act of resistance against all of the evil and opposition we are overcoming together as a people. More importantly, it holds the capacity to save a life, let alone change one altogether.
For me, my only hope and saving grace was meditating on the promises of Scripture, and then daring to put them to the test by walking in them despite my past traumas.
“I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:6
Embracing this was me saying, “Ok God, if You can put the moon, stars, sun, water, sand, trees, and lay the framework to put 7 billion-plus folks on Earth in seven days and send Your Son to die to rise again for all of our shame, wrongdoing, traumas, and provide us with historical evidence to back up that You truly did this out of love for us…..I’m going to assume that anything that you have the power to do in my life, coupled with my desire for You to see it through – will be slight work for You. And I will choose to walk in that as it materializes into certainty. It may not go exactly how I expect it to, but I am also not responsible for managing the cosmic balance of an entire universe, You are, and I will make the choice to trust You.”
Then, I just needed a sneak peak to see how it could all end quite beautifully, and the words I hope to have the privilege to say when it’s all over. Prayerfully they will be murmured in my old age with a smile, surrounded by loved ones. In His grace and goodness, they were gifted to me:
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
-2 Timothy 4:7
I am grateful for the continual learning that sometimes all it takes is that first yes, a shot in the dark, and mustard seed faith. I cherish the parable so much because it validates the human nature that faith itself doesn’t always have to start out in enormity at all, it just has to be there. Teachable. Willing to grow. Willing to give itself a chance to see what may actually be possible despite the immediate environment’s appearance.
Does this mean that everything will always work out in the end? Eh, it depends on how you look at it. I can totally testify that the most awful and embarrassing of failures can be used to work for good in the long run (Romans 8:28).
For me, I was terrified when I made the personal choice to surrender and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had already gone through several world views that left me still feeling empty, wounded, and confused. And yet, He used (and is actively still using) the fear, and is doing the healing for me as I press in. Even the challenging, rockier moments that I experience privately in my newfound salvation path are always met with a soothing grace in the end. My life and interior world are shifting right before my eyes in less than a year of walking with Him (and I’m crying as I’m typing this because I’m so amazed of how He has become the literal love of my life).
I was terrified when I made up my mind to perform again after years had gone by in May. Yet the moment I gave my yes, to my jaw-dropping shock, I received overwhelming feedback as one of my favorite poetry platforms of all time, Voices in Power, shared the piece I had performed with them. (If anyone from that camp is reading this, I love y’all so much!! Thank you for everything!!)
Finally, I was definitely, most certainly terrified when I was called to create and pen for this blog due to all of the stops and starts I have faced in my creative journey in which I now liken to the making of olive oil —
a shaking, pressing and beating into a free-flowing, original, and robust woman of God being undone into wholeness until we meet again face to face.
Now here we are, sharing space here on this platform that I am so ecstatic to steward; a freeing and cohesive space to express myself in all of the colors of my spiritual life, empathy, creativity and womanhood in hopes that this little corner of the internet will be a lighthouse for all who visit. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a teacher quite yet in this stage of my life, but I am a storyteller and a witness, for sure. I love to share and hold vulnerable spaces with others. I am happy and excited to be intertwined in the sacred tapestry that the Lord is weaving with all of our collective experiences. That alone is more than enough to start strong with.
And so, my urge to you in this season, precious reader, is this essay’s namesake: start here.
Start rough, start raw, start tender, start soft, but there’s a new world awaiting within your start. Polish the details with excellence later, but remember the assurance of today with thanksgiving. Through the many things we are hoping and praying for, my tender prayer is that we continue to recall the blessing of the present, containing the agency and courage freely available to us to paint today with a new story.
May blessings shower you where you stand.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments. What is your spirit being called to start today?
Sincerely,
Angelique.